03/21/13: No excuse

by thiswinteralso

March 21, 2013

The conglomerate has tried to justify its encouragement of the placement and use of hidden cameras that have taken video of me at various times during the past two years and everything that the conglomerate has done about the videos by saying “If you knew that the cameras were there, then it’s ok that they were there.”

Even in situations where I was finally made to realize that there were cameras sickeningly and illegally invading my privacy and the privacy of everyone else who stayed where I stayed, there was nothing that I could do to get the cameras removed.  Consider that any time that I tried to address the fact of being harassed with coughing and other gestures and things that people said to me, and other abuse, I was lied to and threatened with being made to leave shelters where I tried to object to being treated that way.  The entire situation was almost always met with total denial and even more abuse.

When I tried to take a shower with the lights off in the shelter in Waltham when a certain staffperson was working, she pounded on the door of the bathroom, insisting that I turn the light on and saying that I was breaking the rules of the shelter because I refused.  I finally started taking showers only a few times per week, getting up as early as 3 or 4 in the morning when I knew that whoever the staffperson was would be asleep.  All of the shelters make people leave in the morning, and almost all of them wake people up by 7:00 a.m. at the latest.  There were not only cameras in the bathrooms at that shelter, the director insisted that I was delusional and had social problems because I thought that I had ever been harassed while I lived in Waltham; knowing that she was lying, she blamed everything that I wrote about while I was living at that shelter on my being delusional and incapable of getting along with people.

I didn’t want to let the conglomerate force me to live like a rodent, scurrying around in the dark, but it has done that to me.  Even after I have taken every precaution for modesty’s sake that I can, turning off the light in every bathroom that I use when it’s possible to do so, wearing clothes into the shower in the dark in my own apartment, changing in the dark in my closet where I hope that there is no camera but where I am perhaps recorded by thermal imaging equipment that’s being used by unknown people outside the building and then distributed the way that the videos of me have been distributed, the conglomerate still says that I deserve everything that’s happening to me and that no violation of my rights has occurred.

When I first left the Vermont State Hospital in 2011 and went to live at the homeless shelter in Vermont where the first video of me was taken of me with a hidden camera, without my knowledge and without my consent, I was very careful to dress modestly.  I wore pants all summer.  I never went swimming or even considered trying to get a bathing suit.  It might have been a few times that I wore something as revealing as an unrevealing tank top, and most of the time I wore totally modest t-shirts.

None of that mattered to the conglomerate.  Everyone in it ridiculed me about the hidden cameras; it was a huge, private joke to all of them, even to people about whom I cared.

Then they continued to torture me and to encourage other people to treat the same way, for the assaults with hidden and illegal cameras to continue, for the sickening videos to be distributed and watched, for more of them to be made, for the total dehumanization of me for the entertainment of other people to continue.

If there have been times when I have refused to allow the conglomerate to make me totally miserable, if there have been times when I have retained my sense of humor and optimism even during this crushing torture which is meant to be crushing torture, that is to my credit and not something that excuses my being treated this way.

For years, the conglomerate has tried to make people think badly of me and to discredit what I have to say about myself and the conglomerate’s agenda by referring to and exaggerating my psychiatric history.  It conveniently fails to mention my psychiatric history when it takes advantage of me and bullies me, even when it has bullied me so much that I’ve been suicidal about the videos and everything else that the conglomerate does, and, at least on one occasion, went to a crisis stabilization unit where I was then also videotaped in the bathroom and then tortured about that.

There is no excuse.


Copyright L. Kochman, March 21, 2013 @ 6:51 p.m.