02/12/13: Lack of a name-by-name rejection isn’t an invitation

by thiswinteralso

February 12, 2013

I have been specifically telling Zac Efron to leave me alone because I put the most time and effort over the past few years into caring about him while he abused me along with all of the rest of them, and so he is the person who can hurt me the most and the most quickly, with whom I am still usually the most angry, and who can frequently have a destabilizing effect on me.  It’s an anger that has resulted from years of his serious and unrelenting abuse, and so now it doesn’t matter whether he’s being abusive or not when he shows up to pay attention to me or when other people remind me of him; anger is what I feel almost all of the time and I want to be left alone by him and left alone about him.

That doesn’t mean that anyone else who has been part of the conglomerate hasn’t abused me and other people or that I want personal attention from those people.  I try to be understanding, reasonable and responsible; being harassed, stalked, abused, and isolated makes that difficult.  When I don’t manage it, I try to take responsibility for the fact that I’ve failed at it as soon as I can manage it.

Also; anyone who has been part of the conglomerate since videos were being made of me in bathrooms with hidden cameras knew that videos were being made, and that includes Tom Daley during most of the last half of 2012, doesn’t it?  He didn’t try to tell me, and, for that reason, in addition to the fact that he abused me as much in all of the other ways as the others did, he has never had the right to think of himself as someone who cared about me and who, while caring about me, was unfairly rejected by me and not cared about enough by me.  It seems to me that he thought of himself that way, and that resentment toward me because of it, to which he had no right, has fueled at least some of his behavior toward me.

I hate watching what the conglomerate turns people into.  The things that it gets people to do are worse every year.


Copyright L. Kochman, February 12, 2013 @ 6:39 p.m.