12/29/12: To Katy Perry: Subjects: Love, hate, appropriate responses and The Women’s Center
December 29, 2012
Your boyfriend is the one who has been persuing me, not the other way around. Also; I can’t help but notice that, in addition to persecuting me, you deal with his disloyalty by showing up where I am at YouTube and hitting on other people besides him.
Throwing yourself at Zac Efron isn’t going to make me jealous; to be honest, all it made me do was think that you weren’t dating John Mayer anymore, because I haven’t been checking up on you or on him. You’re the ones who are trying to turn whatever screen I’m listening to music on at YouTube into a living room of your own in which a scene is being acted out that would have all but the most vulture-like guests running for the door.
I am not trying to be at war with you. The things on the conglomerate’s agenda that I write about and protest are far more important to me than the prospect of dating anyone who is part of the conglomerate. Also; take away the conglomerate and everything else that’s happened, and you should know that even without those things, I wouldn’t have done anything that I knew would really hurt you. He obviously likes you; all other things being equal, which they ARE NOT because I have been very hurt by conglomerate behavior, so have a lot of other people, and, mind-bogglingly, the video problem seems to be only at the beginning of being a horrible nightmare that I’ll personally be dealing with for the rest of my life and that is also hurting A LOT of other people to whom the same thing has probably been happening since the conglomerate started to torture me about the videos, and it is also a mortally important human rights issue with huge consequences for the world now and in the future, I wouldn’t have nonchalantly decided to date him if I could tell that he was more than casually important to you.
Your behavior, and the entire situation with Mr. Mayer, is an example of what seems to me to be very unhealthy about the entertainment industry. You’re both behaving badly in front of everyone, and then you both take it out on me and on the rest of the world when neither of you gets what you think you want in the moment. I have to tell you, even after all this time, I don’t anticipate how devious and backstabbing behavior is tolerated and even expected in that industry. If you feel that I’ve been insensitive to you, you should realize that I still don’t expect people to behave the way that a lot of people in that industry behave, and, although it surprises me a lot less than it used to, I don’t tend to be prepared for it.
Please stop trying to hurt me; I’m not trying to hurt you.
Since I got to this room, a woman has been coughing at me, and there’s nothing I can do about it; I can’t talk to staff about it, you know that. It’s always addressed with denial and I can get in trouble for trying to get it dealt with, even though it’s disruptive and it IS sexual harassment. I don’t go to YouTube and listen to music so that I can create a social life there; blocking out noise is a huge part of it. Also, what my life is like most of the time leaves me without much that isn’t depressing and awful; I’m sure you can understand how helpful music can be when that’s what your life is like.
In the last few minutes, I haven’t been listening to music, because I thought I would try to get this written first, and I finally lost my temper with the woman who was harassing me and I spoke sharply to her. She’s now threatened to “report me to the board” and “have me thrown out.” Then she ran upstairs and is probably telling the staffperson the same lies that harassers always tell; that she can’t help the coughing, that I’m doing something wrong, that I’m always this and always that, when she’s nothing but a bully and a liar.
Listening to music from the second that I got here would have helped me to avoid all of that.
Now the staffperson has shown up to tell me “That people just cough,” to which I said “That’s a lie and you know it.” Another female guest in the room started saying to me “No, you’re the one who’s lying; she only coughed once,” and that was a total lie, too. The second female guest kept talking loudly, accusing me of lying, and I finally had to say “I’m the one talking to the staffperson.”
Then I told the staffperson; “In a few minutes, I’m going to put the earphones back on, and that will block out a lot of the noise.”
The staffperson said “That would be good; otherwise, I’m going to have to separate people.” That is often a response, also, which I think is wrong because whatever the disruption is ALWAYS has to do with someone harassing me and, at best, it gets treated as if that person and I are equally at fault. At worst, I get bullied more, by other people in the room and/or by the staffperson, and am the only person punished, when I shouldn’t be getting punished at all but helped, instead.
The woman who had initiated the harassment walked out of the room with the staffperson, saying, “I want names and dates recorded.”
I don’t have my own computer and am unfortunately dependent on places where I can use them for free, like The Women’s Center, which is where I am now, and where that particular woman has harassed me many times in the past.
Without access to a computer where I can publish documentation of what happens to me, my life would be in a lot more danger than it already is.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve said that the conglomerate doesn’t have an appropriate sense of proportion; I’ve had a broken heart many times in my life, and I would never have inflicted on anyone what you’re trying to get inflicted on me. It doesn’t seem to me that you have a broken heart; a riled ego, but not a broken heart.
Copyright L. Kochman, December 29, 2012 @ 11:40 a.m.