12/21/12: Messages that I sent from my phone to my e-mail on 12/18/12. I started sending these messages from my phone to my e-mail after I’d heard an ad on TV.
To Steven Spielberg: Starting your show again on the 5th isn’t going to make me stupid or you a good person. I have some problems, which what you and the rest of them have done to me have made worse, but I’m not stupid and you are not a good person.
Your persona and the image you’ve had for decades do not make you who you are now. Personality and character aren’t static. If you consciously choose to do bad things, and you are of an age and should have the life experience and perspective to know better, there is nothing that can add up to making you a good person in spite of the bad things that you’re doing.
This is not brain surgery. It’s not even first-year ethics class. Do bad things that hurt a lot of people, do them on purpose when you know better, and that is who you are. You can’t buy your way out of it. You can’t explain it away. You can’t make it ok or excuse it by calling me a slut.
NOTHING could make me want to be you, to be you or anyone else who has done what you have done. No matter what happens to me because of your sick behavior, I can be grateful not to deserve the guilt that you don’t seem to feel.
(Note from 12/21/12, not message: I meant to address the rest of what I wrote to the conglomerate, rather than to one person in it.)
Several minutes ago, when I started the messages to SS, there was another ad on TV, this one saying ‘Easy As Pie.’
(Note from 12/21/12, not a message: Before I wrote the next messages, I think that I did a Yahoo search of the term “group psychosis,” which is something that has been theorized as causing people to do a lot of bad things together, such as persecuting individuals or groups. No matter what the people doing the persecuting do, their skewed belief system prevents them from perceiving the evil of their behavior and lets them believe that they’re not doing anything wrong and even that they are doing something that is good.).
I’m not even a group. I’m one person, whom you are murdering while you tell yourself that I am a threat to the world and deserve to die. You can’t deny that it’s murder; I’m going to die because of the conglomerate. Someone will kill me; the incidents of people showing that intention are happening within a few days of each other.
If I survive those people, who will be threats for the rest of my life, I have every reason to believe that the conglomerate intends to continue to make my life excruciating. Every second of my life has been full of pain since the conglomerate started to sexually harass me. I cope with it, I live with it, I work around it, and if I were to talk about how much pain it is I would never talk about anything else.
I don’t know if you thought my anger and hatred toward the conglomerate were abnormal reactions and proved that I was a bad woman who deserved what you had done. I know what self-respect is, and despite what I guess my family told people I worked a lot throughout the years and put a lot of effort into my life. Sometimes I felt so defeated that I didn’t know what to do, but that’s not laziness or even mental illness.
I already knew that the world could be a cruel place, so if you were looking for shocked tears to prove that I didn’t deserve the videos, the truth is that your expectation of that as proof of my ‘innocence’ made me hate you more. You’re years too late to see a lot of shocked tears about cruelty; you did shock me, but what you did was expand my understanding of how cruel and self-serving people who think they deserve to be adored by the world can be.
And the chauvinism of your reaction once I knew made me hate you, too; you’re sadists, and there’s nothing that I could have done or not done to deserve what you’ve done. A killer kills and doesn’t worry about a reason, or makes up a reason, or lies.
There’s nothing you could ever do to make up for what you’ve done to me; there is not.
That I can state a fact without tears doesn’t make the fact less true.
I’m not stoic. If you had wanted to restore my faith in humanity, you did not make good decisions about how to do that.
Copyright L. Kochman, December 21, 2012 @ 9:46 a.m./edited, with an addition @ 9:57 a.m.