11/28/12: Subject: John Mayer

by thiswinteralso

November 28, 2012

Dread isn’t supposed to be the first and strongest feeling that you have when you think about looking at what someone whom you’ve thought about dating is doing.

John Mayer has been pursuing me for the past few weeks on YouTube.  I didn’t intend for that to happen or expect it to happen.  I ignored it for a while, and then I saw that it wasn’t going away.

People should know by now that I’m not going to date or be friends with someone who’s part of the conglomerate, and that I don’t want to break up relationships.

I don’t think that it’s wrong of me to expect everyone to realize that pursuing me if you are even one of the things that I have said disqualifies you from dating or befriending me applies to you.  I’m not going to write the entire list of things that disqualify people from dating me here; I’ve said it all a lot.

The video issue is a serious problem.  My thought about that was that, even though it was wrong for everyone who knew about the video problem from the minute that it started and who didn’t tell me that it was happening not to tell me and not to try to stop it, it was worse that people that I was interacting with and whom I cared about betrayed me that way; not telling me, participating in the jokes that everyone who knew was making about it which I didn’t realize were being made, ridiculing me amongst themselves, and violating me for months.  Now, I am the constant and ongoing victim of even more videos being made all the time, it seems.

I had never had any interaction with Mr. Mayer until recently.  All of the interaction has been online, most of it visible to the public, all of it visible to the conglomerate, and none of it something that would prove inconsistencies about everything that I’ve already said about the conglomerate.

Nobody gets through life without making mistakes.  If this was another time when I fooled myself that someone who’s part of the conglomerate would defy the conglomerate first because he realized that the conglomerate is wrong and then because he wanted to be personally part of my life, hopefully it will be the last time.

I would like to meet people who are not famous and who have never been part of the conglomerate, but to do so means to bring everything that the conglomerate does to me to the lives of those people.  I don’t know when my life might be such that befriending and dating people won’t result in their lives being crushed by the conglomerate.  Since I am as isolated as I am,  I am emotionally vulnerable to people who are in the conglomerate, some of whom I guess think it’s exciting to flirt with me and who know that they can respond to whatever I do about their behavior by doing things that will let the conglomerate hurt me more.

During the weeks that Mr. Mayer was pursuing me, I didn’t notice that there was anybody calling him “dirty, sloppy genitals” names, saying that he smelled or that he was dangerous.  They reserve that sort of treatment for me and for other women who aren’t part of the conglomerate.

He seemed to show up at YouTube yesterday, and I wrote in the search box of the page I was listening to “No child abusers, no NOTHING:  no human rights abusers.  No exceptions.”

I also was consistent about what I had already said about his relationship with Katy Perry.

I’m not going to look either of them up online to find out what’s happening right this second.  It’s not worth it to me to do that.  I have too much going on and what’s happening because of the conglomerate is too serious for me to try to figure out the personal dynamics of something that I probably should have kept ignoring in the first place.


Copyright L. Kochman, November 28, 2012 @ 12:39 p.m.